Taste of Summer

Good evening, ya'll :). I had promised to update with more regularity so here is what's on my mind tonight...

Have you ever seen Legends of the Fall? I watched it for the first time this weekend with James and it had a pretty profound effect on me...I've been thinking about it for the last couple days. It's probably one of the saddest movies I've ever seen. There's death, war, betrayal, violence, unrequited love. I think it was the war that got to me the most, especially since I was watching it with James. The movie begins in 1914 so, naturally, the war scenes were very different from what you would see today but it was still difficult to watch. In one part, Brad Pitt's character watches his little brother bombarded with bullets against a barbwire fence. After he dies, Brad Pitt cuts out his heart to take back to their family. Talk about devastating. All I kept thinking about was James's heart coming back to the States in a box. Sorry - gruesome, I know. But you can see why this scene would be upsetting to me. Just so much tragedy befell this one family. And where did it start? The war. I just have a very hard time imagining my boyfriend doing what those men were doing. Again, it was 1914, I know...but it's no less terrifying today. Maybe even more so. Anyway, if you do decide to view this movie...bring the tissues. It's powerful.

Fortunately, not my entire weekend was depressing. On Friday evening, I headed into Raleigh to meet up with James. We didn't do much but, after the week we both had, it was nice to just relax with each other. On Saturday afternoon, I left James to spend time with his brother and joined Jamie, Kristy, and Will for tailgating before the Brad Paisley concert. I had never actually tailgated before but it ended up being a really good time. I felt like I hadn't spent much time with my MFT friends lately so it was nice to catch up with a couple of them. We managed to avoid talking about school for most of the night which is usually difficult when we get together. Our seats for the concert were on the lawn and we had the opportunity to see some very interesting things while we were there...mostly drunk people behaving badly. For instance, one very drunk man practically rolled down the hill all over Jamie. She was okay and probably took it better than I would have. Later, an older woman got all huffy because she was worried that Kristy was going to spill her drink on her. Okay, look, when you get seat on the lawn, you have to keep in mind that stuff is going to happen. You will probably be stepped on, rolled over, or splashed with beer at some point. You may even be inappropriately groped on the way to the bathroom. It hasn't happened to me but it does happen. The concert was great and Brad Paisley is a very talented performer. Later that evening, I was supposed to meet up with James at his brother Michael's house. I should have known I was going to have a difficult time getting back. I somehow ended up in Garner but I suppose I'm becoming accustomed to getting lost because I set myself straight again without too much trouble. When I finally made it to Michael's house, I was able to meet his girlfriend, Janice, as well as his roommates. We sat around a fire in the backyard for a bit before calling it a night.

Sundays are always a bit depressing for James and me...for a couple reasons. First of all, neither of us particularly enjoy what we're doing right now and Sunday means that Monday is just right around the corner. Secondly, it means that another week stands between us being able to see one another again. So, we both tend to be in a lower mood on Sunday. However, we didn't have a bad day at all. On Sunday afternoon, we ended up back at Michael's house. That is where we watched the previously mentioned Legends of the Fall (and I cried my eyes out). Usually, I'm very concerned about the time and getting back to Greenville in order to organize myself for the week but this time...I just didn't CARE. I wanted to soak up as much time with James as possible. It was nice to pretend it was just the summer and I could do whatever I pleased. I knew I would probably pay for it the next day but that didn't seem to matter much. Instead, we had a cookout with Michael and his friends. For a few moments, it truly felt like summer vacation...until we had to return to reality and head home. Overall though...really good weekend.

I have some exciting events coming up... This Friday is the military ball. I've never been to one and, honestly, I didn't think I'd have another chance to really dress up (until my wedding?) after graduating from Meredith. So I'm quite excited. The following weekend, Hillary is coming to visit me in Greenville for the first time and I'll be showing her the sights (hardy har har). And the weekend after that...I'm off to New York for the first time ever! Look for pictures in the weeks to come! =)

Better Late Than Never

I'm nearly a month overdue on when I said I would write a new entry but, as my title suggests, it's better late than never. I guess I had been under the impression that I would have loads of free time after classes ended but that has hardly been the case. My days are still filled. Not with the most interesting stuff, albeit, but still filled. When I haven't written in a while, my dilemma is trying to remember everything that has happened. And a lot has happened. Unfortunately, my blogs won't be quite as fun to read as Sara's and Molly's who are in Italy and Iceland, respectively. I'm jealous...I'll be the first to admit that. I'm in Greenville, NC, for goodness sakes. Speaking of which, over these last couple weeks, I've been absolutely itching to get out of the country. I think it's because all my friends are rendezvousing through Europe this summer. It's been far too long since I did the same. My favorite teacher from high school, Ms. Coleman (though she has recently allowed me to call her my her first name, Season) recently joined Facebook and she mentioned a trip to Spain that is coming up in summer 2010. I'm seriously considering making this trip a reality for me. I've never been to Spain and it would be a great graduation gift (that my parents don't know about yet). I long to travel the world!

Ok, so...on to my life update. I will try to be as brief as possible, for your sake. ;)

I finished my first year of grad school. It's difficult to wrap my mind around, especially since we don't have an official break for the summer...so I feel like the year is just continuing (which, technically, I suppose it is). So let me rephrase that. I completed my second semester of graduate school. And can I just tell you that second semester was, to be blunt, HELL. I've never had a more difficult semester in all my school years. On the same day, we started our internships and began seeing clients on our own. Simultaneously, we were trying to wrap up our classes (a.k.a. we had papers, exams, and presentations to make it through) and most of us were completing the last of our assistantships. Some of us (me) were also starting new assistantships with Greene County Healthcare and trying to make time to shadow MFTs at those locations. It was RIDICULOUS. We were losing sleep (I pulled on all-nighter at the clinic with Sam on my 23rd birthday...I should NOT know that the cleaning lady comes at 5am...but I do and how I found out makes for a funny story - ask me sometime), not eating well, and not getting much exercise. I can't speak for anyone else but I had really let myself go and I'm paying now for the bad habits I acquired during those weeks (i.e. eating when I get stressed, which is often, and passing on the gym for a nap - hey, you gotta do what you gotta do). Let's just say that a huge sigh of relief was heard among the MFTs on May 7th when the semester was officially over. For the first time in about a month, we didn't have 10 million tasks hanging over our heads. It was nice. And to celebrate, I headed home for the weekend.

Before I proceed to the next part of my update, I should note that I've started dating someone. His name is James and we met at the Hibernian in Raleigh during my Spring Break. It was a totally unexpected meeting, believe me. I'll explain. The night of Laura's bachelorette party, I arrived back at Meredith and Molly let me in the dorm (darn outdated CamCard). As it was, she and her friend Rasika (who I ended up liking very much) were going downtown to the Hibernian and asked if I wanted to go. I had driven to Raleigh from home that day and had been going ever since. I was exhausted and disheveled...in no shape to hit the bars. But it was my Spring Break and I didn't want to pass up an opportunity for fun. Well, after we arrived at the Hibernian, I began regretting my decision. The three of us were descended upon by a very drunk, very obnoxious man from Boston who was watching the basketball game and being quite vocal about which team he wanted to win. As irritating as he was, he was also entertaining...but as soon as he learned that Molly was from Boston, Rasika and I no longer existed. I was bored and my glass was empty. Crisis. To make a long story short, James and two of his friends, Tadd and Kendall, ended up rescuing us from the drunk Bostonian and inviting us to sit at their table for a bit...which we did until 2am. We saw them the next night (this time with Hillary) and the next night (with Ashley). James and I have been together ever since (though it didn't become official until April 24th). Coincidentally, Molly ended up dating James's friend, Kendall...which works out nicely for double dates and whatnot. :) So, there's the backstory.

The weekend after classes ended, James and I both went home (our homes are about 45 minutes or so from each other) and met each other's families. I got off easy on this one. I met his parents and two brothers (Jason who is older and Michael who is younger). Everyone was very nice. Well, I assume Jason is nice. He'd just woken from a nap and, like me, he isn't very conversational after just waking up. I understood though. James, however, had the pleasure of attending my Grandma's surprise 75th birthday party and met about 50 members of my family at once (that may be a bit of an exaggeration but there were lots of people). I think he had a good time and everyone seemed to like him, especially that he's a bit of a country boy. My family is big on that sort of thing. And he had the opportunity to see me dance, which is pretty rare. Below is a picture of when my Grandma realized she had just walked into her surprise party. I love her face.

The next day was Mother's Day and graduation at Meredith, which I attended with my own mother. It was absolutely surreal to be watching the Class of 2009 graduate. I could not (and still cannot) believe that a year has passed since I graduated from college. So much has happened in this last year! I was super jealous too. Class of 2009 was able to have Class Day and graduation in the gorgeous Meredith amphitheatre whereas my graduation was rained out. Meredith students dream of graduating there and I didn't get the chance to. Clearly, I'm still bitter about it. Even so, it was good to see Hillary graduate there. I'm quite proud of her.

So, what's happened since that eventful weekend? I've been seeing clients on my own for nearly 2 months now (also hard to believe) and it's had its ups and downs. I've also started doing integrated care as a Medical Family Therapist at two medical centers in Snow Hill, NC. I have to admit that integrated care has not been my favorite. However, I'm trying to have a more positive attitude about my assistantship. Being negative only makes my days longer. And if the positivity starts to fade, it will all be over July 31st. :) Team began a couple weeks ago. Team consists of watching a live therapy session through the two-way mirror. Damon is my supervisor and I have a great team - Jodi, Kristy, Sam, Jamie, and Marina. Even so, I'm nervous about having my turn in front of them. I don't have a client yet who is willing to do team but I know it's only a matter of time. When that time does come, I will surely be scared out of my mind. I don't like being watched - it makes me so nervous - but I guess it's something I will have to get past. So far, it's been an enjoyable experience. It's just funny to me because, when I first heard of team, it seemed so far away...

Molly stayed with me in Greenville until she left for Iceland last Friday. I was really excited about her visit and it ended up being a great time. It made me realize that I would like a roommate. It was refreshing to have someone to come home to, to talk to at night, to vent to when I had a bad day, and to have dinner with. I'd forgotten how nice that was because I've been living in solitude for so long! She was a great roomie...especially when she cooked dinner or baked cookies (love ya, Molly). The day she left, she woke up to tell me goodbye before I took off for the clinic and it didn't hit me until I was in the car that I was quite sad to see her go. I almost wanted to cry a little bit. But she'll only be abroad for a month and I think I can handle that.

I've been trying to spend as much time with James as possible which, unfortunately, is limited to the weekends due to our schedules. What I failed to mention earlier is that James is in the Army and will be deploying at the end of the summer. I'm sure it just became a bit clearer as to why I'm desperate to spend time with him. I won't delve too much into how unfair this all is and how we're hardly able to be together before we're ripped apart for a year. Nope, I'm just going to say that I'm taking it the best I can. I don't want to think about August. I'm a little bit in denial. I saw him in his uniform last weekend for the first time and it made everything more real for me. Anyway, enough of that for now.

Memorial Day weekend, James and I, along with Molly and Kendall and a friend of the boys', Jesse and his girlfriend, Janna, went to Carolina Beach for a mini-vacation that we all needed. We ate at some really good restaurants, spent a beautiful day in the sun, and just enjoyed being carefree with each other. It was VERY hard to return to Greenville. Summer means the beach for me and I definitely want to go back...soon.

That's the gist of my last several weeks. I will attempt to update with more regularity in the future so as not to write a novel!

I've Missed Blogging

Therefore, I will be back with an update very, very soon (think May 7ish). My life has changed quite a bit over the last several weeks. Some changes were expected, some not. I look forward to writing all about it :).

Mini Update

Is it really March? How is that possible? How is it possible that I will start doing therapy - real therapy - in a little over a month? Do I sound nervous? Am I asking too many questions? Ok, I'll stop that for now.

But really, 2009 is flying by. This is both a good and bad thing. Lord knows I'm ready to be done with school BUT I'm not entirely ready for all the changes on the horizon. On April 15th, we are able to start seeing clients. Ahh! AND (as if that were not enough) we start our internships. Mine will be at the Family Violence Program of Pitt County. It was my first choice so I'm quite excited about that but also slightly terrified. Domestic violence is not a light subject, after all. It will be a challenge and I think I have my work cut out for me. We're currently on Spring Break and that's hard for me to believe. Last semester, I felt like I was waiting and waiting for Fall Break and this semester - boom - Spring Break. I was supposed to be in Orlando right now but alas, that fell through...for a couple different reasons. I think I made the right choice on that front though, in retrospect. Oh well...I hope my friends have had a good time.

Last weekend was Tiffany's bachelorette party and it was a pretty wild night. Tiffany is married now! That's hard to wrap my mind around. Actually, it's hard to imagine any of my friends getting married. Am I really old enough to be getting married? Well, obviously, I'm not getting married but to have friends who are is a bit of a reality check. Tiffany was my RA freshmen year and that's how we met. Then, she became my feminist role model of sorts. We lost touch for a bit last year but we've since reconnected. Unfortunately, she and her new hubby are moving to Canada in the spring. Hopefully, we'll stay in touch via Facebook and e-mail. I'll miss her.

Speaking of weddings, Laura and Aaron's wedding is this Saturday. Again, hard to believe. This will surely be the highlight of my Spring Break. I'm quite excited to be a bridesmaid and to have a part in their big day. They're a great couple. I hope someday to meet someone who I mesh with as well as they do. Ah, I can dream...

Death to Cupid...Or Maybe Not ;)

There are just never enough hours in the day...never. And you know, I've been so much better at getting up early than I ever was in undergrad but I don't feel like I get that much more accomplished. 2009 has been a busy year so far but what's more is that it's actually been...fun. Who would have thought?

I feel like I've gotten so much closer to the members of my cohort. It's as though something transformed over Christmas break. Not that I didn't enjoy them last semester...I did. It just feels different now. I think these are people who I will definitely stay in contact with beyond graduation. This Thursday, there will be a meshing of my Raleigh/Greenville friends. Several of the MFTs (and a couple boyfriends) are going with me to see The Vagina Monologues at Meredith. It will be the first time any of them have met. I'm excited but also a little nervous. I hope everyone gets along. Not that they'll have a whole lot of time to not get along that evening. I'm wondering how I will feel about watching the VMs as opposed to being in them. I really do miss that. Being a part of the VMs is such a bonding and empowering experience. I'm not sure that, had I done them at ECU this year, it would have been the same. There's just something about being backstage with your best friends, dressed in red and black, and talking about vaginas. You can't beat it. I am looking forward to my Greenville friends seeing this Meredith place I'm always going on about.

Speaking of which, I was at Meredith this weekend. I had the opportunity to see Schoolgirl Figure, starring none other than my Lil Sis, Sara. It was a comedy about high school girls with eating disorders. They compete to see who will be the skinniest and whoever is, wins "The Bradley". You might be wondering how a play about eating disorders could possibly be a comedy...I had wondered that myself. But it was so FUNNY. The writer took something serious and made it humorous. I can't even describe how she did it. Throughout the play, I kept thinking, "Should I be laughing at this?" I almost felt guilty. It was a great show, though, and Sara was hilarious as usual. She really has a knack for comedy. Aside from seeing the play, I had cupcakes with Hillary and Molly and was able to meet up with Tiffany for dinner. This Raleigh experience was much better than the last one I had.

The next day was Laura and Aaron's wedding shower. It was going to take place in Cary and I just KNEW I would get lost on the way there. Sure enough...I got extremely lost. I literally had no idea where I was. That made getting directions from Aaron a bit more difficult. Somehow, I finally made it there...and only 45 minutes late! The shower ended up being a lot of fun though. It was nice to meet Laura and Aaron's families and it made the reality of the wedding sink it. I can't believe it's in less than a month! Laura is my first close friend to get married. Next comes Tiffany, Ashley, Jamie, and Rasheeka. Wow. It's no wonder I have this fear that all my friends are going to get married and leave me behind. I really am happy for Laura and Aaron though. They are fantastic people who happen to be great for each other. I am really blessed to have them as friends.

Back in Greenville, it was time for Kristy's birthday dinner. I wasn't in the best of moods when getting ready to go out that night. First of all, it was Valentine's Day...the first in 5 or 6 years that I didn't have a boyfriend. It was a little strange, a little sad, for me. I had been looking forward to meeting a friend of Jamie and Will's who was coming to the party. I thought that might brighten my V-Day a bit. Well, that is, until I found out he wasn't coming. Apparently, he was having car issues. Of course he was. Anyway, I didn't want that to ruin my evening. So I put on my cute new dress and went out. I ended up having a really good time too. Valentine's Day turned out to be much better than I had expected...even without a Valentine of my own.

2009 Thus Far

I just realized that I've only posted once in 2009...and that just can't be. A lot has happened since January 5th. I'll give a run-down, elaborating on what I find to be the most interesting (if you disagree, sorry!).

I returned to Greenville on the 10th. I have to be honest, I was NOT looking forward to it. I wanted to see my cohort but I did not want to start a new semester. I had gotten really attached to waking up when I wanted to, doing what I wanted to do, etc. I knew it was going to be hard to give that up. So far, it hasn't been too bad, as far as falling back into school habits. However, it is sad to think that was probably the last time I'll have that much free time for a long while. Welcome to the REAL WORLD, right?

Classes began and were, as usual, a bit overwhelming. Looking at the syllabus (or 4 syllabi, in my case) makes your head want to explode. Or maybe that's just me. This semester will be especially challenging because, in April, we begin our internships as well as seeing clients...on top of classes and an assistantship. It will be a lot to balance but I like to think that, in the end, we will be better for it. Someone please remind me of that when I'm going through it. I'm taking two seminar classes which are supposed to prepare us for the practicum we have over the summer. I have to admit that I was very nervous about these classes, mostly because I didn't know what to expect. "Seminar" is not very informative and, as someone who has some OCD tendencies, I like to know what I'm getting myself into. Our professor for Seminar II is Damon, who we had last semester and are all very familiar with. For Seminar I, however, we have David who I had only HEARD about. Nothing bad...mostly that people were intimidated by him. Well, I can see why. This became abundantly clear when, upon entering the classroom on the first day, the only seat open to me was right next to him. This did not do much for my anxiety. But, after expressing my anxiety to the class on the topic of transitioning from student to therapist, he grabbed my hand, asked Jodi to grab my other hand, and asked if I trusted them. I do...and that made me feel better - as though it was okay to be vulnerable, even in front of someone who scared me a little bit. I like the fact that these seminar classes are for only my cohort because I think they will help to bring us closer together. Also, I feel more comfortable speaking up. I kicked myself sometimes last semester for being so quiet.

I went to Raleigh the weekend after classes started...this was both a good and bad idea for me. It was to be the first time all my friends had been together since September, before Hillary left for Austria, and I was excited about the reunion. I arrived on Sunday and was able to spend a nice afternoon with Hillary and Molly, as well as having dinner with Sarah B. (which was great because we hadn't seen each other since November). I feel a plethora of emotions when I'm at Meredith. On the one hand, I am so happy to be back in a place that I love. Greenville has been, and still is to some extent, unfamiliar to me and to be back on my own turf is really refreshing. Also, I love being with my friends and it's easy to pretend that I'm still a student there. On the other hand, because Meredith brings back so many good memories for me, my life as it is now sort of pales in comparison. And that makes it hard to come back to Greenville. So, what happened the next day was pretty upsetting. I had planned to stay in Raleigh until Tuesday because my friends and I were going out Monday day - something we had been looking forward to for several weeks. However, early Monday afternoon, my mom calls and informs me that it is supposed to snow several inches in both Raleigh and Greenville and that it would be wise for me to go home that day. I didn't take that news so well. Ashley was coming in from Ramseur and Sara was just returning from seeing her boyfriend...right as I was about to walk out the door. I felt really deprived of my time with them and I realized how lonely I was going to feel coming home, especially knowing that they were going out that night without me. That single event opened a can of worms.

After I returned to Greenville, I had a mini-crisis (I've had a lot of those over the past few months). I was thinking very seriously about quitting the MFT program. I even went as far as to start researching other grad programs as well as what I could do with a BA in psychology (ha - nothing). To make a long (and painful) story short, a friend really talked some sense into me and made me realize that getting my Masters (whether I choose to practice therapy or not) is opening lots of doors for me. I don't want to deny myself that opportunity.

So...the moral of the story? I am trying very hard to think more positively, take it one day at a time, and remember that there are lots of people who love me and want to see me succeed, no matter what I happen to succeed at. And those people are the ones I can turn to when I have my mini-crises (or mega crises) in the future.

The Holidays

It's really hard to believe that the holidays are over. It seems like just yesterday that I was coming home. And in a few days, I'll be heading back to Greenville. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that yet. It's going to be hard to give up the free time. My time at home has had its ups and downs but I've enjoyed being here. It's nice to always have someone to talk to.

Christmas went surprisingly well. The day before Christmas Eve, we had my mom's side of the family over for our traditional dinner and exchanging of gifts. This is always an adventure. One year, a piece of tissue paper caught on fire and THAT was a sight to see. Nothing like that happened this year but I still ended up having a really good time. After everyone left though, I started feeling a bit down. Something was just missing from the gathering. It didn't take much thought to realize what that was. I had a good cry with my mom and felt a little better.

On Christmas Eve, I met up in Randleman with a few of my high school friends - Amy, Cole, Emily, Ashley, and, Ashley's fiance, Jordan. This was the first time we had all been together in a very long time. At first, it was slightly awkward, as though we weren't quite sure what to say to each other. After a few minutes though, it was if nothing had really changed. We were laughing and talking as we always had. One of the main topics of conversation was where our old classmates are now. It was shocking how many of them are married and/or have kids...some people I would have NEVER imagined. That just made me feel old. We ended up staying for about 3 hours and I was actually kind of sad to leave.

I was in a bit of a bad mood later on Christmas Eve. I didn't mean to be. It was just that, for one, the Christmas spirit had still not taken hold of me, and, secondly, I was just really missing Ben. Nothing like the holidays to make you miss the people who aren't around anymore. We didn't usually spend Christmas Eve together but he was still very much in my thoughts. I became more cheerful, though, as the night went on. My mood change just happened to coincide with opening presents :). My parents framed my Meredith diploma and that was definitely one of the best gifts I could have received. I nearly started crying.

Christmas Day was mainly uneventful as we don't normally do very much. Again, I was thinking quite a bit of Ben. For the past three years, I've had dinner with him and his family on Christmas Day. It was strange to just hang out around the house instead of getting ready to go out. I kept wondering what he was doing, if his Christmas was going well... These thoughts didn't bring me down too much though. I wanted to enjoy what was left of the holiday.

My dad's family came over for dinner and gifts the following weekend. Ashley was also able to come, which I was really excited about. She'd never been to my house before and I was glad she'd be there to fill a bit of the void I'd felt at my last family get-together. I was sad to see everyone go that night. It meant that Christmas was officially over and that has been a depressing realization to me since I was little.

The Sunday after Christmas, Amy and I went to see Mercy Mercedes in Greensboro. If you haven't heard of them, Mercy Mercedes is a local band who are beginning to make it quite big (they're on iTunes, for goodness sakes). My ex-boyfriend, Tom, is the bassist and several of the guys went to Randleman High. It felt a little strange, at first, to be hanging out with Amy one on one. Not strange in a bad way, just...unpracticed. It had been a long time since just she and I went out. We had a nice dinner at the Olive Garden, a couple drinks downtown, and then made our way to Greene Street for the show. The band did really well and you could tell the crowd loved them. It was a bit surreal to see Tom up there with all these girls screaming. He's something of a rock star now, I suppose. After the show, Amy mentioned talking to Tom and I began to freak out a little. It had been quite a while since I'd seen him and I just didn't want to stand there awkwardly. It turned out to be less awkward then I'd expected though. His girlfriend was there. She was cute and seemed nice enough but...it's just never fun to see your ex with his new girlfriend. Never fun. It was a good night though, overall.

New Years Eve was another day I had not been looking forward to. Last year, it was a really fun evening. This year, I had absolutely nothing planned. I knew all my friends would want to be with their significant others so I didn't even bother to ask if they could hang out with me. It didn't turn out so badly though. I watched the ball drop on 2009 with my parents and then we played a game together. No, it wasn't a party and I didn't get a New Years kiss but...it could have been worse. I could have been completely alone.

I'd planned on doing a short reflection on 2008 but, as I've already written quite a bit here, I think I'll save that for later.