Sunday, March 20, 2011
No Steam
Today, Brandon came by to start packing his things. He's officially moving to New Bern next weekend. And, tomorrow, we've been broken up for one month. It's hard to believe that so much time has already passed. When we moved to Morrisville in January, I certainly didn't think he would be moving out in March. The same sorts of things keep cycling through my thoughts and I know my friends and family have to be tired of me talking about it but I just can't figure it out. As I was telling my mom earlier...this is something that we just can't see eye to eye on and probably never will. I can't understand his decision and he can't understand why I feel the way I do about it. But the process is almost over, at least the moving part of it, and I think we'll both be a little less stressed when it is.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Chasing Pavements
Brandon took his name off the lease today. I don't really know how I feel about it. It's a relief to have a roommate to fill his place but...she's not really "filling his place". He even seemed more sad today than I've seen him in the past. I knew it was coming but didn't realize exactly how I was going to feel when it actually happened.
My new roomie, Jamie, is planning to move in around April 1st. I just hope my lucky streak when it comes to roommates (i.e. Hillary, Sam - boys excluded) continues. After Brandon moves, I'll still have some things in the apartment to rearrange, a.k.a. moving all of my crap out of Jamie's soon-to-be room. The whole apartment is a work in progress. I haven't been very motivated to decorate the walls but I'm getting to it. I want very much for it to be a place I enjoy coming home to.
I'm in the process of applying for my Licensed Marriage and Family Therapy Associate (LMFTA) status and it's a serious pain in the butt. It's $200, first of all, with which I'm going to have a really hard time separating. Secondly, I have to find someone to be my supervisor because he/she has a form to sign. Then, I have to obtain 3 endorsement/recommendation forms. I have to attach course descriptions from grad school to the application. And the whole thing has to be notarized...all by April 1st! Seriously...after graduating from an accredited program and passing the licensure exam, you would think that's enough. Oh no. As much as I hate it, I have a feeling I'll end up driving to Greenville sometime this week. Yay.
Still no news on the job front. I have another interview tomorrow but who knows. I keep hoping this is going to be the week it happens.
Kristy introduced me to a new church yesterday called Journey. I really liked it...though I still miss Port City. That was, by far, the best church I've ever been to. But, unless I want to settle for watching it online (which isn't nearly the same), I have to find a new place. The sermon yesterday was very relevant to my current situation and I was hoping it would be. God has a way of working out that sort of thing.
And that's the update for now. I'm melancholy today, if you can't tell by my tone. I feel like I'm continuously running in place and I'm just so ready to go somewhere.
My new roomie, Jamie, is planning to move in around April 1st. I just hope my lucky streak when it comes to roommates (i.e. Hillary, Sam - boys excluded) continues. After Brandon moves, I'll still have some things in the apartment to rearrange, a.k.a. moving all of my crap out of Jamie's soon-to-be room. The whole apartment is a work in progress. I haven't been very motivated to decorate the walls but I'm getting to it. I want very much for it to be a place I enjoy coming home to.
I'm in the process of applying for my Licensed Marriage and Family Therapy Associate (LMFTA) status and it's a serious pain in the butt. It's $200, first of all, with which I'm going to have a really hard time separating. Secondly, I have to find someone to be my supervisor because he/she has a form to sign. Then, I have to obtain 3 endorsement/recommendation forms. I have to attach course descriptions from grad school to the application. And the whole thing has to be notarized...all by April 1st! Seriously...after graduating from an accredited program and passing the licensure exam, you would think that's enough. Oh no. As much as I hate it, I have a feeling I'll end up driving to Greenville sometime this week. Yay.
Still no news on the job front. I have another interview tomorrow but who knows. I keep hoping this is going to be the week it happens.
Kristy introduced me to a new church yesterday called Journey. I really liked it...though I still miss Port City. That was, by far, the best church I've ever been to. But, unless I want to settle for watching it online (which isn't nearly the same), I have to find a new place. The sermon yesterday was very relevant to my current situation and I was hoping it would be. God has a way of working out that sort of thing.
And that's the update for now. I'm melancholy today, if you can't tell by my tone. I feel like I'm continuously running in place and I'm just so ready to go somewhere.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Even on My Weakest Days, I Get a Little Bit Stronger
I haven't had a real entry in quite some time because I've been considering what exactly to write. I feel like, over the last year, I've been writing about nothing but all the changes in my life. Why is my life always in constant flux? At least, I feel like it is. I'm one of those people who NEEDS stability and consistency but they escape me. In January, my life changed a lot. In February, it changed a good deal more. We're nearly halfway through March and I'm exhausted. Things seriously need to settle down.
On February 21st, Brandon and I broke up. It is a LONG and drawn out story but the basic gist is that he was offered a job in New Bern, NC and decided to take it. I was given the option to go with him but decided against it. I had just gotten back to the place I felt I belonged...the Raleigh area is almost more of a home to me than the city I'm actually from. My friends are here and my family is nearby. Job opportunities for me are here. I couldn't go anywhere. It wasn't an easy decision, though I made it quickly. It was just very clear to me. Not to mention the fact that I'd been in this apartment for exactly one month and couldn't stand the thought of packing everything up again and going through the physical and emotional turmoil of moving. And I knew that New Bern had nothing to offer me (aside from Brandon)...I would be at least an hour and a half from anyone I knew. Some people can live like that but I can't. That's really all I'm going to say about the break up itself. I'm not going to badmouth Brandon, especially online, though I'm still extremely hurt and quite angry over the whole situation.
Since then, I've had to do some serious thinking and my emotions have been up, down, and everywhere in between. The first week, it didn't feel real yet, especially since we saw each other nearly every day. The second week, I was a tower of strength...I didn't even understand where it was coming from. I felt GOOD, which caused a little bit of guilt because I wasn't sure I should be feeling that good. I felt at peace. This past week, however, has been rough. Some things happened on Monday that just tore me apart. Monday night, I simply lost it...it was the worst I'd felt since the night we broke up and I was all alone, mostly by choice - I didn't want to call anyone; I just needed to deal on my own. The week improved after that but I still didn't feel nearly as strong as the week before and I couldn't stop thinking I'd let myself down. I know now that isn't the case because I'm going to have good days and bad days but I just wasn't willing to cut myself any slack. If a friend was in the same situation, I would have told her it was completely normal...I need to start listening to my own encouragement.
Initially, I didn't want a roommate. I couldn't imagine living in this apartment with anyone other than Brandon. Eventually, however, the thought of moving again became much less pleasant than the thought of living with someone I didn't know. And so I joined Roommates.com (which was pointless, by the way, as not a single person has contacted me or replied to my messages) and posted the room on CraigsList. I'll be honest...it's been a frustrating process, especially because my first few e-mails were sketchy and nothing I would actually pursue. Fortunately, it looks like I've found a roomie. She seems very nice (and normal) and we have some things in common. We've both agreed that we're not looking to be best friends but just live together amicably. I hope and pray it works out.
I'm still looking for a job and, needless to say, I started to freak out just a little bit more when I found out Brandon would be moving out. I applied for probably 15 jobs this week (after a friend kicked me in the butt and helped me realize I don't want to be so desperate that I take the first thing I'm offered) and I'm waiting to hear back about some promising leads (fingers crossed!). My stress level is going to continue to be paramount until I get a job. That's just how it is.
On a much happier note, I PASSED MY MFT LICENSURE EXAM...heck yes, I did! Allow me a moment to brag... Not only did I pass, I made a 173 when the passing score was 133. And who made the highest score of the 38 examinees in North Carolina? That would be me. And who made only 6 points less than the highest score in the US. Um...yes, that would also be me. Who's bad? I'm bad. Those test results brightened an otherwise gloomy week.
On another happy note...an extreme amount of gratitude goes to my friends and family who have been amazing during these last few weeks. I've gotten phone calls, text messages, visits, free dinners, and more from them in an attempt to check on me, get me out of the apartment, and just generally make me feel better. They've been incredible. If this had to happen, I thank God it happened here. Even on the crappiest of days, I still feel blessed because I have some really super people in my life. I love, love, love them.
And that is how I'm going to end this entry because I've had enough bad mess in my life lately. Hopefully, I will soon have even better news to report (roomie situation working well? new job? won the lottery?). As Ellen concludes her talk show...be kind to each other. Lord knows I've recently had a lot of kindness come my way. :)
On February 21st, Brandon and I broke up. It is a LONG and drawn out story but the basic gist is that he was offered a job in New Bern, NC and decided to take it. I was given the option to go with him but decided against it. I had just gotten back to the place I felt I belonged...the Raleigh area is almost more of a home to me than the city I'm actually from. My friends are here and my family is nearby. Job opportunities for me are here. I couldn't go anywhere. It wasn't an easy decision, though I made it quickly. It was just very clear to me. Not to mention the fact that I'd been in this apartment for exactly one month and couldn't stand the thought of packing everything up again and going through the physical and emotional turmoil of moving. And I knew that New Bern had nothing to offer me (aside from Brandon)...I would be at least an hour and a half from anyone I knew. Some people can live like that but I can't. That's really all I'm going to say about the break up itself. I'm not going to badmouth Brandon, especially online, though I'm still extremely hurt and quite angry over the whole situation.
Since then, I've had to do some serious thinking and my emotions have been up, down, and everywhere in between. The first week, it didn't feel real yet, especially since we saw each other nearly every day. The second week, I was a tower of strength...I didn't even understand where it was coming from. I felt GOOD, which caused a little bit of guilt because I wasn't sure I should be feeling that good. I felt at peace. This past week, however, has been rough. Some things happened on Monday that just tore me apart. Monday night, I simply lost it...it was the worst I'd felt since the night we broke up and I was all alone, mostly by choice - I didn't want to call anyone; I just needed to deal on my own. The week improved after that but I still didn't feel nearly as strong as the week before and I couldn't stop thinking I'd let myself down. I know now that isn't the case because I'm going to have good days and bad days but I just wasn't willing to cut myself any slack. If a friend was in the same situation, I would have told her it was completely normal...I need to start listening to my own encouragement.
Initially, I didn't want a roommate. I couldn't imagine living in this apartment with anyone other than Brandon. Eventually, however, the thought of moving again became much less pleasant than the thought of living with someone I didn't know. And so I joined Roommates.com (which was pointless, by the way, as not a single person has contacted me or replied to my messages) and posted the room on CraigsList. I'll be honest...it's been a frustrating process, especially because my first few e-mails were sketchy and nothing I would actually pursue. Fortunately, it looks like I've found a roomie. She seems very nice (and normal) and we have some things in common. We've both agreed that we're not looking to be best friends but just live together amicably. I hope and pray it works out.
I'm still looking for a job and, needless to say, I started to freak out just a little bit more when I found out Brandon would be moving out. I applied for probably 15 jobs this week (after a friend kicked me in the butt and helped me realize I don't want to be so desperate that I take the first thing I'm offered) and I'm waiting to hear back about some promising leads (fingers crossed!). My stress level is going to continue to be paramount until I get a job. That's just how it is.
On a much happier note, I PASSED MY MFT LICENSURE EXAM...heck yes, I did! Allow me a moment to brag... Not only did I pass, I made a 173 when the passing score was 133. And who made the highest score of the 38 examinees in North Carolina? That would be me. And who made only 6 points less than the highest score in the US. Um...yes, that would also be me. Who's bad? I'm bad. Those test results brightened an otherwise gloomy week.
On another happy note...an extreme amount of gratitude goes to my friends and family who have been amazing during these last few weeks. I've gotten phone calls, text messages, visits, free dinners, and more from them in an attempt to check on me, get me out of the apartment, and just generally make me feel better. They've been incredible. If this had to happen, I thank God it happened here. Even on the crappiest of days, I still feel blessed because I have some really super people in my life. I love, love, love them.
And that is how I'm going to end this entry because I've had enough bad mess in my life lately. Hopefully, I will soon have even better news to report (roomie situation working well? new job? won the lottery?). As Ellen concludes her talk show...be kind to each other. Lord knows I've recently had a lot of kindness come my way. :)
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Theme Song. Philosophy. MANTRA.
Below are 2 of my post-break-up theme songs. The first also helped me through my previous break-up; the second is one I just happened to come across today (while making another of many post-break-up CDs) and couldn't believe how much it applied to my current emotions and situation.
Defying Gravity (performed in Wicked...and also by the phenomenal cast of GLEE)
Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap!
It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I am defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!
I'm through accepting limits
''cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!
I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!
I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you won't bring me down!
A Little Bit Stronger (by Sara Evans)
Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain
But I brushed my teeth anyway
I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face
I got a little bit stronger
Riding in the car to work and I'm trying to ignore the hurt
So I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you
I listened to it for minute but I changed it
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger
And I'm done hoping that we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change
I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger
Doesn't happen overnight but you turn around
And a month's gone by and you realize you haven't cried
I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer
I'm busy getting stronger
And I'm done hoping that we can work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking, that you could ever change
I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger
Getting along without you, baby
I'm better off without you, baby
How does it feel without me, baby?
I'm getting stronger without you, baby
And I'm done hoping we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change
I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger
Just a little bit stronger
A little bit, a little bit, a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger
Defying Gravity (performed in Wicked...and also by the phenomenal cast of GLEE)
Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap!
It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I am defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!
I'm through accepting limits
''cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!
I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!
I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you won't bring me down!
A Little Bit Stronger (by Sara Evans)
Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain
But I brushed my teeth anyway
I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face
I got a little bit stronger
Riding in the car to work and I'm trying to ignore the hurt
So I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you
I listened to it for minute but I changed it
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger
And I'm done hoping that we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change
I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger
Doesn't happen overnight but you turn around
And a month's gone by and you realize you haven't cried
I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer
I'm busy getting stronger
And I'm done hoping that we can work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking, that you could ever change
I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger
Getting along without you, baby
I'm better off without you, baby
How does it feel without me, baby?
I'm getting stronger without you, baby
And I'm done hoping we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change
I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger
Just a little bit stronger
A little bit, a little bit, a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Ambivalence
It's 4pm on a Wednesday and I'm blogging...yet another thing I'm able to do thanks to no longer having my job. Some of the other things have included: sleeping, eating someplace other than my car or desk, working out, smiling, spending time with people I actually care about, doing laundry, and going more than one day without feeling as though I might have a stress-induced panic attack. I'd say it's been a pretty successful month. I have been looking for a job but, honestly, I don't exactly know what to look for. I'm completely ambivalent about being a therapist and yet I'm not qualified to do much of anything else. I've considered going back to school but I'm not sure what I would go for. I've also seriously contemplated becoming a certified wedding planner. No, I'm not joking. I realize I'm no Jennifer Lopez but I think it's something I would actually enjoy. Of course, I start worrying about what kind of business I would have. What's the market like for wedding planners these days? I mean, seems like it would be pretty good. People are getting married. People are busy. I'd say that calls for a wedding planner. It's an option, at least. On the bright side, I have a job interview on Friday for Veteran's Affairs in Durham. I'll write more about the actual job description after the interview because, at the moment, I don't know a whole lot about it. However, what I do know sounds really interesting and it would be a slight shift on the typical therapy thing, which it what I think I need right now. Oh, and I forgot to mention...I took the MFT licensure exam last Friday. I was surprisingly calm going in and still had about an hour and a half to spare when I was finished. I took my time, considered every answer, and checked over my selections before submitting. Some of the answers I knew without a doubt, others weren't so black and white. Overall, I left the testing center feeling pretty okay about the whole thing. It'll be about 4 weeks before I find out my results. If I fail, I'll be the only person in my class who hasn't passed and I just can't bear that humiliation. And I would be out a WHOLE lot of money. If I pass, I'll be one step closer to a career I'm not even all that sure about. This is my life.
Speaking of life, I've been enjoying a lot more of it since moving. Last Saturday, to celebrate finishing my exam, Brandon took me to Gigi's Cupcakes where I experienced an incredible red velvet cupcake. It was the typical red velvet cake with a vanilla filling, amazing cream cheese frosting, red sugar sprinkles, and a white chocolate heart on top. Happiness. In. My. Mouth. Saturday night, Cheryl and Rowland (Brandon's mom and step-dad) came over for dinner. Brandon and Rowland put our new entertainment center together (a Christmas gift from Cheryl and Rowland), we enjoyed chicken pot pie, and I dominated at dominoes (one of my new favorite games). On Sunday, I had a much overdue breakfast with Sarah. The pancakes were scrumptious (orange pancakes with orange-infused butter and orange molasses) and the conversation flowed more easily than I expected it to. It was good to catch up with Sarah after so much time. That evening, Brandon and I went to a Superbowl party thrown by my friend, Allison (I met her at MST training for Youth Villages) and her fiance, Justin. Kristy and her new beau, also named Brandon, were there as well. The company was good and the food was delish. The game was alright too...for those who like football ;). I mostly went to socialize because, let's be honest, I hadn't watched the Superbowl since high school. Brandon had fun goading Kristy about her Packers who, of course, won the game. The day was topped off by the return of Glee, which Brandon actually watched with me!
Scarlett's Red Velvet - SOOOO AMAZING!
This weekend will be just as busy, if not more so. Friday, Sam is coming into town and will be spending the night with Brandon and me. Saturday is Jamie's baby shower, which Sam and I are throwing for her at The Twisted Fork. Kristy's birthday party is Saturday night. And on Sunday, Jack and Karen (Brandon's dad and his wife) are visiting and taking us out to dinner. Whew!
Speaking of life, I've been enjoying a lot more of it since moving. Last Saturday, to celebrate finishing my exam, Brandon took me to Gigi's Cupcakes where I experienced an incredible red velvet cupcake. It was the typical red velvet cake with a vanilla filling, amazing cream cheese frosting, red sugar sprinkles, and a white chocolate heart on top. Happiness. In. My. Mouth. Saturday night, Cheryl and Rowland (Brandon's mom and step-dad) came over for dinner. Brandon and Rowland put our new entertainment center together (a Christmas gift from Cheryl and Rowland), we enjoyed chicken pot pie, and I dominated at dominoes (one of my new favorite games). On Sunday, I had a much overdue breakfast with Sarah. The pancakes were scrumptious (orange pancakes with orange-infused butter and orange molasses) and the conversation flowed more easily than I expected it to. It was good to catch up with Sarah after so much time. That evening, Brandon and I went to a Superbowl party thrown by my friend, Allison (I met her at MST training for Youth Villages) and her fiance, Justin. Kristy and her new beau, also named Brandon, were there as well. The company was good and the food was delish. The game was alright too...for those who like football ;). I mostly went to socialize because, let's be honest, I hadn't watched the Superbowl since high school. Brandon had fun goading Kristy about her Packers who, of course, won the game. The day was topped off by the return of Glee, which Brandon actually watched with me!
Scarlett's Red Velvet - SOOOO AMAZING!This weekend will be just as busy, if not more so. Friday, Sam is coming into town and will be spending the night with Brandon and me. Saturday is Jamie's baby shower, which Sam and I are throwing for her at The Twisted Fork. Kristy's birthday party is Saturday night. And on Sunday, Jack and Karen (Brandon's dad and his wife) are visiting and taking us out to dinner. Whew!
Friday, January 28, 2011
Feels Like Home
It must be a new record for me to actually update less than 3 months since my last entry. :) Seeing as how I'm currently unemployed though, I guess I don't really have an excuse. As of yet, there are few leads on the job front. However, my licensure exam is next Friday (pray for me) and my hopes are high (for better or worse) that more opportunities will come my way after that.
Our first week in Morrisville is coming to a close and it hasn't been terribly eventful. Brandon started his new job on Monday. He's doing flooring estimates as a sub-contractor and seems to like it well enough so far. It's going to keep him on the roads quite a bit (hmm...why does that sound familiar?) but he should be able to set his own schedule and such. He spent this week training and will likely be on his own next week, which I know he's eager to do. While he's been at work, I've been trying to get some studying in. It's been difficult though. Since moving, I've just felt drained. While I've enjoyed my free time, I think I'm someone who just needs a little more structure than I've had since quitting my job. It was easier when Brandon was home with me because he held me accountable for getting things done (studying, working out, running errands, etc.). When he's not here, I'm so tempted to be lazy. Some studying has gotten accomplished but that's about it. Very little unpacking has been done but I'm hoping Brandon and I can take care of some tomorrow.
Our new apartment...complete disaster area at the moment!
The highlight of the week was being able to spend some time with friends. It felt so strange to be seeing my Meredith girls in the middle of the week. On Wednesday, Hillary stopped by and we just chatted for a few hours. It was really nice because, the last couple of times I've seen her, I've felt so rushed. But this time, we were just able to curl up on the couch and talk. She lives about half an hour away from me now, which is the closest we've lived to each other since I graduated from Meredith. I also saw Sara and Molly on Wednesday. We ordered Papa John's and played Twilight Scene It. Yeah, we're dorks. And it was a surprisingly difficult game! You would have to be a hardcore fan to do really well. But it was fun. Today, I drove out to Hillary's new house (sans GPS...I was so proud of myself) and she treated me to a Vietnamese restaurant for lunch. We had a soup that consisted of chicken, vegatables, and noodles...sounds simple but it was really delicious. We also ran into her cousin, Paul, at the restaurant, which was totally random.
So...the best part of moving so far? Being tons closer to the people I've missed for the last 2 1/2 years! :)
Our first week in Morrisville is coming to a close and it hasn't been terribly eventful. Brandon started his new job on Monday. He's doing flooring estimates as a sub-contractor and seems to like it well enough so far. It's going to keep him on the roads quite a bit (hmm...why does that sound familiar?) but he should be able to set his own schedule and such. He spent this week training and will likely be on his own next week, which I know he's eager to do. While he's been at work, I've been trying to get some studying in. It's been difficult though. Since moving, I've just felt drained. While I've enjoyed my free time, I think I'm someone who just needs a little more structure than I've had since quitting my job. It was easier when Brandon was home with me because he held me accountable for getting things done (studying, working out, running errands, etc.). When he's not here, I'm so tempted to be lazy. Some studying has gotten accomplished but that's about it. Very little unpacking has been done but I'm hoping Brandon and I can take care of some tomorrow.
Our new apartment...complete disaster area at the moment!The highlight of the week was being able to spend some time with friends. It felt so strange to be seeing my Meredith girls in the middle of the week. On Wednesday, Hillary stopped by and we just chatted for a few hours. It was really nice because, the last couple of times I've seen her, I've felt so rushed. But this time, we were just able to curl up on the couch and talk. She lives about half an hour away from me now, which is the closest we've lived to each other since I graduated from Meredith. I also saw Sara and Molly on Wednesday. We ordered Papa John's and played Twilight Scene It. Yeah, we're dorks. And it was a surprisingly difficult game! You would have to be a hardcore fan to do really well. But it was fun. Today, I drove out to Hillary's new house (sans GPS...I was so proud of myself) and she treated me to a Vietnamese restaurant for lunch. We had a soup that consisted of chicken, vegatables, and noodles...sounds simple but it was really delicious. We also ran into her cousin, Paul, at the restaurant, which was totally random.
So...the best part of moving so far? Being tons closer to the people I've missed for the last 2 1/2 years! :)
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
The Only Constant is Change
I've thought about writing for what seems like ages but I guess it just hasn't been very high on my priority list. With that said, things have been quite eventful since my last entry, hence the lack of time to update. But, 3 months or so later, here it is...
November
The highlight of November was, of course, Thanksgiving. Brandon accompanied me to my Aunt Vickie's house in Brevard, NC for the weekend. I was really looking forward to seeing my family as it had been September since I'd seen my parents and even longer since I'd seen everyone else. Living in Wilmington, I've felt a little isolated, with most of my loved ones being so far away (but more about that later). Brandon and I made the LONG trip from Wilmington to Brevard (more than 6 hours when you include eating and bathroom breaks) the night before Thanksgiving. Regardless of how tired we were when we arrived, we stayed up until after 1am catching up with the family. Brandon fit right in with their ridiculousness (ridiculous in a good way). As for me, it felt amazing to be away from work and actually relaxed for the first time in a while. Thanksgiving Day was awesome...with an incredible dinner and going with Brandon and the family to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I (the second viewing for me). The day after Thanksgiving was spent doing a little Black Friday shopping (couldn't resist) and playing board games until the wee hours of the morning - probably my favorite thing about the whole weekend. When the weekend came to an end, I was sad to leave. It would be less than a month before I saw my family again but I knew this Christmas was going to be very different from the ones before. First of all, it would be the first year I didn't have a long Christmas break, meaning I wouldn't be home for nearly as much time as I usually am. Secondly, Brandon and I would be splitting the holiday between both of our families. It had been a great weekend but the ending was bittersweet. After arriving back in Wilmington, Brandon and I picked out our very first Christmas tree - a real one. Getting it into the apartment wasn't nearly as hard (or as humorous) as getting that thing out. We definitely realized why real Christmas trees just aren't meant for apartments...especially 3rd floor apartments. But it was beautiful and enjoyable while it was up and decorated. Thanks to donations from my family, we had plenty of ornaments. It was the perfect beginning to our first Christmas together.
December
December was exciting for a few reasons. First of all, this was the first time Brandon and I would be spending the holidays together and, because of our two families living in different cities, they consisted of much travel. The weekend of Christmas, as well as the ones before and after, were spent on the road between Wilmington, Raleigh, and Pleasant Garden. But despite all the running around, we had a really great Christmas. Christmas Eve was spent with my family - Mom, Dad, Grandma, Trish, Robbie, Tiona, Jayden, Brandon, and me. We did the traditional sorts of things (tradition in our family, anyway)...eating finger foods, listening to Christmas music, playing games, including the Wii, and opening gifts. Christmas Day is a bit of a blur. We spent the morning with my family for breakfast and more gifts (Mom and Dad framed my ECU diploma!), then it was time for goodbyes and we were off to Raleigh to share the remainder of the day with Brandon's family. The second exciting December event was that Brandon's sister, Tiffany, and her husband, Mike, came home from Canada for Christmas. It had been 10 months since Tiffany had been home so it was great to see her. And, apparently, the "Canadians" brought the snow along with them because about 8 inches fell in Raleigh while we were there. It was a perfectly beautiful white Christmas. In North Carolina. Amazing. We ate incredible food, frolicked (yes, frolicked) in the snow, played games, and napped for the rest of the weekend. Sadly, much of the snow had melted off the roads by Monday, and I was able to make it home. I surely could have tolerated another day of vacation.
Which brings me to the third exciting thing that occurred in December...Brandon and I made the decision to move back to Raleigh. Actually, it wasn't a tough decision at all. Brandon's job fell through and, since I already hated mine, there didn't seem to be much of anything keeping us in Wilmington (except, of course, the friends we have in town). In Raleigh, we'll be closer to friends and family and the job opportunities will be more plentiful. Fortunately, we learned that we could transfer our lease, which is saving us A TON of money, and we found a nice apartment complex very similiar to the one we live in now. So, on December 23rd, I put in my 2 week notice. I have to admit...I was nervous. After all, I'd never resigned from a job before. Plus, part of me was still wondering if this was even the right decision. In this terrible economy, I was giving up a job with a good salary and benefits. Was I crazy? Everyone I talked to seemed to support my decision but I was getting cold feet. Regardless, I did it. And I've come to realize, especially after a conversation with my mom, that I did make the right decision. No job, no matter how well it pays, was worth the stress and anxiety I experienced while at Youth Villages. Putting in my notice that day was one of the best things I could do to take care of myself.
January
Brandon and I rang in the New Year at our apartment with good friends - Sam, Andy, Andy, Laura, and Chris. Earlier, he and I had dinner at Bonefish Grill. It was a quiet New Year's Eve but I wouldn't have wanted to spend it any other way. My last day at Youth Villages was January 7th and, honestly, it was bittersweet. I do miss a few of my co-workers. They were good people and I hate that I was only able to get to know some of them professionally, rather than personally. Leaving my families was also more difficult than I had expected it to be, especially those I had spent several months with. But I had to keep reminding myself of why I was leaving.
Since then, my days haven't exactly been boring. The first thing I've been trying to do is take better care of myself. Brandon and I have been using The Biggest Loser video game for the Xbox 360 Kinect and it is kicking my butt! But I've been working out nearly every day and I can definitely tell a difference. I've also been trying to eat better, get more sleep, take vitamins, take care of my skin, and even pamper myself from time to time (well, if you consider getting a haircut "pampering"). I almost feel like a different person since quitting my job...more balanced. My second focus is studying for the MFT Licensure Exam which I'm taking on February 4th (WAY closer than I'd like it to be). It's tough getting back into the groove of studying when you haven't done it in a while. Fortunately, a lot of the information starts coming back to me as I study. If I pass, I'll be considered "provisionally licensed" and that will open up new opportunities to me. Speaking of which, my third focus is looking for a job. I'm going to be much more cautious about which one I take this time. And my fourth focus is, of course, packing. We move this weekend which, to me, seems crazy. Brandon and I had dinner with Sam, Andy, and Andy Sunday night and, as we went our separate ways, I realized how much I'm going to miss them and, also, how much I'm going to miss Wilmington. It will be toughest to leave Sam though. She and I have lived in the same city for nearly 3 years now and not seeing her whenever I want will take some adjusting. All in all, I'm excited about the upcoming changes. It's been an interesting 6 months in Wilmington but I look forward to what our new adventure will bring!
November
The highlight of November was, of course, Thanksgiving. Brandon accompanied me to my Aunt Vickie's house in Brevard, NC for the weekend. I was really looking forward to seeing my family as it had been September since I'd seen my parents and even longer since I'd seen everyone else. Living in Wilmington, I've felt a little isolated, with most of my loved ones being so far away (but more about that later). Brandon and I made the LONG trip from Wilmington to Brevard (more than 6 hours when you include eating and bathroom breaks) the night before Thanksgiving. Regardless of how tired we were when we arrived, we stayed up until after 1am catching up with the family. Brandon fit right in with their ridiculousness (ridiculous in a good way). As for me, it felt amazing to be away from work and actually relaxed for the first time in a while. Thanksgiving Day was awesome...with an incredible dinner and going with Brandon and the family to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I (the second viewing for me). The day after Thanksgiving was spent doing a little Black Friday shopping (couldn't resist) and playing board games until the wee hours of the morning - probably my favorite thing about the whole weekend. When the weekend came to an end, I was sad to leave. It would be less than a month before I saw my family again but I knew this Christmas was going to be very different from the ones before. First of all, it would be the first year I didn't have a long Christmas break, meaning I wouldn't be home for nearly as much time as I usually am. Secondly, Brandon and I would be splitting the holiday between both of our families. It had been a great weekend but the ending was bittersweet. After arriving back in Wilmington, Brandon and I picked out our very first Christmas tree - a real one. Getting it into the apartment wasn't nearly as hard (or as humorous) as getting that thing out. We definitely realized why real Christmas trees just aren't meant for apartments...especially 3rd floor apartments. But it was beautiful and enjoyable while it was up and decorated. Thanks to donations from my family, we had plenty of ornaments. It was the perfect beginning to our first Christmas together.
December
December was exciting for a few reasons. First of all, this was the first time Brandon and I would be spending the holidays together and, because of our two families living in different cities, they consisted of much travel. The weekend of Christmas, as well as the ones before and after, were spent on the road between Wilmington, Raleigh, and Pleasant Garden. But despite all the running around, we had a really great Christmas. Christmas Eve was spent with my family - Mom, Dad, Grandma, Trish, Robbie, Tiona, Jayden, Brandon, and me. We did the traditional sorts of things (tradition in our family, anyway)...eating finger foods, listening to Christmas music, playing games, including the Wii, and opening gifts. Christmas Day is a bit of a blur. We spent the morning with my family for breakfast and more gifts (Mom and Dad framed my ECU diploma!), then it was time for goodbyes and we were off to Raleigh to share the remainder of the day with Brandon's family. The second exciting December event was that Brandon's sister, Tiffany, and her husband, Mike, came home from Canada for Christmas. It had been 10 months since Tiffany had been home so it was great to see her. And, apparently, the "Canadians" brought the snow along with them because about 8 inches fell in Raleigh while we were there. It was a perfectly beautiful white Christmas. In North Carolina. Amazing. We ate incredible food, frolicked (yes, frolicked) in the snow, played games, and napped for the rest of the weekend. Sadly, much of the snow had melted off the roads by Monday, and I was able to make it home. I surely could have tolerated another day of vacation.
Which brings me to the third exciting thing that occurred in December...Brandon and I made the decision to move back to Raleigh. Actually, it wasn't a tough decision at all. Brandon's job fell through and, since I already hated mine, there didn't seem to be much of anything keeping us in Wilmington (except, of course, the friends we have in town). In Raleigh, we'll be closer to friends and family and the job opportunities will be more plentiful. Fortunately, we learned that we could transfer our lease, which is saving us A TON of money, and we found a nice apartment complex very similiar to the one we live in now. So, on December 23rd, I put in my 2 week notice. I have to admit...I was nervous. After all, I'd never resigned from a job before. Plus, part of me was still wondering if this was even the right decision. In this terrible economy, I was giving up a job with a good salary and benefits. Was I crazy? Everyone I talked to seemed to support my decision but I was getting cold feet. Regardless, I did it. And I've come to realize, especially after a conversation with my mom, that I did make the right decision. No job, no matter how well it pays, was worth the stress and anxiety I experienced while at Youth Villages. Putting in my notice that day was one of the best things I could do to take care of myself.
January
Brandon and I rang in the New Year at our apartment with good friends - Sam, Andy, Andy, Laura, and Chris. Earlier, he and I had dinner at Bonefish Grill. It was a quiet New Year's Eve but I wouldn't have wanted to spend it any other way. My last day at Youth Villages was January 7th and, honestly, it was bittersweet. I do miss a few of my co-workers. They were good people and I hate that I was only able to get to know some of them professionally, rather than personally. Leaving my families was also more difficult than I had expected it to be, especially those I had spent several months with. But I had to keep reminding myself of why I was leaving.
Since then, my days haven't exactly been boring. The first thing I've been trying to do is take better care of myself. Brandon and I have been using The Biggest Loser video game for the Xbox 360 Kinect and it is kicking my butt! But I've been working out nearly every day and I can definitely tell a difference. I've also been trying to eat better, get more sleep, take vitamins, take care of my skin, and even pamper myself from time to time (well, if you consider getting a haircut "pampering"). I almost feel like a different person since quitting my job...more balanced. My second focus is studying for the MFT Licensure Exam which I'm taking on February 4th (WAY closer than I'd like it to be). It's tough getting back into the groove of studying when you haven't done it in a while. Fortunately, a lot of the information starts coming back to me as I study. If I pass, I'll be considered "provisionally licensed" and that will open up new opportunities to me. Speaking of which, my third focus is looking for a job. I'm going to be much more cautious about which one I take this time. And my fourth focus is, of course, packing. We move this weekend which, to me, seems crazy. Brandon and I had dinner with Sam, Andy, and Andy Sunday night and, as we went our separate ways, I realized how much I'm going to miss them and, also, how much I'm going to miss Wilmington. It will be toughest to leave Sam though. She and I have lived in the same city for nearly 3 years now and not seeing her whenever I want will take some adjusting. All in all, I'm excited about the upcoming changes. It's been an interesting 6 months in Wilmington but I look forward to what our new adventure will bring!
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