Thursday, January 22, 2009

2009 Thus Far

I just realized that I've only posted once in 2009...and that just can't be. A lot has happened since January 5th. I'll give a run-down, elaborating on what I find to be the most interesting (if you disagree, sorry!).

I returned to Greenville on the 10th. I have to be honest, I was NOT looking forward to it. I wanted to see my cohort but I did not want to start a new semester. I had gotten really attached to waking up when I wanted to, doing what I wanted to do, etc. I knew it was going to be hard to give that up. So far, it hasn't been too bad, as far as falling back into school habits. However, it is sad to think that was probably the last time I'll have that much free time for a long while. Welcome to the REAL WORLD, right?

Classes began and were, as usual, a bit overwhelming. Looking at the syllabus (or 4 syllabi, in my case) makes your head want to explode. Or maybe that's just me. This semester will be especially challenging because, in April, we begin our internships as well as seeing clients...on top of classes and an assistantship. It will be a lot to balance but I like to think that, in the end, we will be better for it. Someone please remind me of that when I'm going through it. I'm taking two seminar classes which are supposed to prepare us for the practicum we have over the summer. I have to admit that I was very nervous about these classes, mostly because I didn't know what to expect. "Seminar" is not very informative and, as someone who has some OCD tendencies, I like to know what I'm getting myself into. Our professor for Seminar II is Damon, who we had last semester and are all very familiar with. For Seminar I, however, we have David who I had only HEARD about. Nothing bad...mostly that people were intimidated by him. Well, I can see why. This became abundantly clear when, upon entering the classroom on the first day, the only seat open to me was right next to him. This did not do much for my anxiety. But, after expressing my anxiety to the class on the topic of transitioning from student to therapist, he grabbed my hand, asked Jodi to grab my other hand, and asked if I trusted them. I do...and that made me feel better - as though it was okay to be vulnerable, even in front of someone who scared me a little bit. I like the fact that these seminar classes are for only my cohort because I think they will help to bring us closer together. Also, I feel more comfortable speaking up. I kicked myself sometimes last semester for being so quiet.

I went to Raleigh the weekend after classes started...this was both a good and bad idea for me. It was to be the first time all my friends had been together since September, before Hillary left for Austria, and I was excited about the reunion. I arrived on Sunday and was able to spend a nice afternoon with Hillary and Molly, as well as having dinner with Sarah B. (which was great because we hadn't seen each other since November). I feel a plethora of emotions when I'm at Meredith. On the one hand, I am so happy to be back in a place that I love. Greenville has been, and still is to some extent, unfamiliar to me and to be back on my own turf is really refreshing. Also, I love being with my friends and it's easy to pretend that I'm still a student there. On the other hand, because Meredith brings back so many good memories for me, my life as it is now sort of pales in comparison. And that makes it hard to come back to Greenville. So, what happened the next day was pretty upsetting. I had planned to stay in Raleigh until Tuesday because my friends and I were going out Monday day - something we had been looking forward to for several weeks. However, early Monday afternoon, my mom calls and informs me that it is supposed to snow several inches in both Raleigh and Greenville and that it would be wise for me to go home that day. I didn't take that news so well. Ashley was coming in from Ramseur and Sara was just returning from seeing her boyfriend...right as I was about to walk out the door. I felt really deprived of my time with them and I realized how lonely I was going to feel coming home, especially knowing that they were going out that night without me. That single event opened a can of worms.

After I returned to Greenville, I had a mini-crisis (I've had a lot of those over the past few months). I was thinking very seriously about quitting the MFT program. I even went as far as to start researching other grad programs as well as what I could do with a BA in psychology (ha - nothing). To make a long (and painful) story short, a friend really talked some sense into me and made me realize that getting my Masters (whether I choose to practice therapy or not) is opening lots of doors for me. I don't want to deny myself that opportunity.

So...the moral of the story? I am trying very hard to think more positively, take it one day at a time, and remember that there are lots of people who love me and want to see me succeed, no matter what I happen to succeed at. And those people are the ones I can turn to when I have my mini-crises (or mega crises) in the future.

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