Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Standing at a Crossroads

I don't have a set topic in mind for this do excuse me if I ramble a bit.

First of all, the semester is finally OVER. Yes, I survived my first semester in graduate school. It's hard to believe, especially with all the little obstacles I encountered along the way. Ooh, and another bit of good news...I made ALL A's! It's very exciting. I was a little worried about, at least, one of my classes (Ethics was HARD) but I persevered. That was a nice Christmas present that I gave to myself. When I look back on it, I don't know how I managed to concentrate on school with everything else that was going on in my life, especially at the beginning of the semester. Of course, having a certain distraction removed (albeit, not by choice) did make it easier to focus on my work. When everything was over, I wanted to make sure that I thanked the people who helped me through the semester. One of them told me that, as great as it is that I made it through, the feeling of insecurity never really goes away. That didn't surprise me much. I've felt insecure my entire life, I told him, so I'm used to it at this point. I do hope that, someday, it does fade a bit. I have a difficult time thinking about the semesters to come though. It just stresses me out a little...especially when I consider starting my internship. I'm ready to know NOW where it's going to be. I've been looking into the Family Violence Program of Pitt County. I would love to work with victims of domestic violence. I don't know why but that issue has always been one that's close to my heart. I hope that site does work out for me. It really just comes down to how many contact and relational hours I would be able to get there. If it's going to hold me back from getting the hours I need to graduate, despite the great experience I would gain, I almost can't see the point in working there. Most of the other possible internship sites don't interest me that much because they're mainly medical. I don't plan to go into medical family therapy and, from what I've seen, the work the MFTs do at those sites is very brief...not exactly what I'd originally pictured. But I guess we'll just have to see how it all pans out.

I've been home for the holidays since Friday and it's been...alright. It's been really nice to just lounge around, watch TV, read books I actually want to read. But, unfortunately, I'm already longing for human interaction outside of my parents. I've sort of made plans to hang out with Ashley (since she lives so close) but that won't be happening until after Christmas. Cole and I had talked about hanging out but, as far as I know, he isn't home yet. Sarah works all the time. Molly and Sara are at home, out of state, for Christmas. James, who I had originally made plans with back in October, suddenly has a new girlfriend and couldn't care less about doing something with me, apparently. My high school friends and I have made tentative plans for after Christmas...which should be fun but, perhaps, a little awkward since we haven't all been together in a very long time. Honestly though, I'm looking forward to it. Amy and I are actually going to see Mercy Mercedes (with a trip to the Olive Garden beforehand, perhaps) on the 28th. That will be the first time she and I have done anything one on one in a while too. It will also be the first time I've seen Tom in quite a while...not that he'll even know I'm there, surely. I think a lot of people are due to be at that show. Anyway, I really am happy at the prospect of seeing these people who have sort of slipped out of my life.

Hillary will be home from Austria tomorrow and I'm quite excited about that. I'm not meeting her at the airport as initially planned but I will be going to Raleigh for a visit on Saturday. I wonder if it will be weird at all or if we'll just fall right back into place. I'm thinking that the latter is more likely. We don't have anything planned for the day as of yet but I'll just be glad to see my best friend again. This was really the worst semester she could have been away...for me anyway. But at least I was able to talk to her over AIM (since she broke down and got it) and Skype. Lord knows I've missed her.

To my readers...I'm sorry if my blogs are depressing. It has recently come to my attention that they sort of are. That isn't my intention. I don't try to be such a pessimist. I think that's just where I am right now. I'm at a crossroads and it isn't comfortable. I was talking to someone a couple weeks ago about my current situation and she said that, apparently, I'm just going to be miserable for a while. Great. Who wants to hear that? I'm not saying she was wrong though. I think I have a lot of work to do.

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