I didn't think I would be writing this soon after my last entry. I thought it would take much longer to get my life back on track, as I put it. And things aren't perfect by any means but I'm trying to move on.
For those of you who haven't already heard, Ben and I broke up last Thursday night. I'm choosing not to go into the details here but if you're interested, you can ask, of course. The bottom line is that the relationship just wasn't going the way either of us had hoped and the distance didn't help. I'm sure it was better to end things now, while we were still on good terms, than to carry things out longer, becoming more unhappy with each other and, eventually resenting each other. I wouldn't say that the fateful phone call went well but this relationship ended better than any of my other ones have. I still have a lot of respect for Ben, I know he's a good guy, and I want him to be happy. Even if it's not with me. And I love him...as hard as it is for me to admit it. After all, love doesn't just go "poof!" after you break up with someone. That would be ideal though, wouldn't it?
Lots of people have commented on how well I'm taking everything. I attribute that to several reasons. The first is that I had been mentally preparing myself for the event, not only during this last hellish week but, I think, ever since I knew Ben and I would be in a long distance relationship again. I tried to not be pessimistic but, after all, we did break up three months into our last long distance relationship. Granted, that was an international relationship, but I still didn't want to get my hopes too high. I couldn't bear the idea of being surprised or caught off guard by a break up. I knew that would devastate me. So, for better or worse, I had this in the back of my mind.
Secondly, I attribute my good attitude to just that...my good attitude. I've been trying very hard not to dwell on the good times (because there were a lot) and, instead, focus on the things that weren't so perfect. That may seem like just the opposite of a good attitude but, think about it. What good would it do for me to sit around, moping, and thinking about how much I miss the happy times? It's easier to think, "Well, now I don't have to deal with *insert grievance here* anymore."
Finally, I attribute my perseverance to the people in my life. My friends and family have been amazing. I've even been contacted by people I would have never expected to hear from, expressing their concern. As soon as I changed my Facebook relationship status to "single", my inbox and wall were full of messages (I know it sounds trivial but it represents something). Everyone has been incredibly supportive and loving and I KNOW I wouldn't be taking this as well as I have if it wasn't for them. I've also been really touched by how my cohort reacted to my break up. They've invited me to their homes, asked me out for coffee, etc. to get my mind off everything. I owe a lot of my strength to my loved ones.
Needless to say, I'm no longer going to Georgia for Fall Break. Instead, I'm going home for a couple days, then to Raleigh for a day or so. It will be good to get out of my apartment. I'm especially looking forward to seeing my parents because I haven't since the middle of August (both of my parents, anyway). I just want to relax, recuperate, and clear my mind. Only 4 more days :).