Tuesday, October 21, 2008

True Believer? We'll See...

I'm watching House and blogging at the same time so my writing may seem a bit...distracted. I try to combine my fun activities so that I don't feel like I'm spending too much time in leisure. I feel like I've taken a lot of leisure time the past couple days, though, and I know it's really going to catch up with me. This weekend, for instance, I have SO much I need to take care of. The due date for my biggest paper so far this semester is approaching quickly and I haven't started yet. It worries me but I think I'm trying to downplay how important the paper is so I won't stress out too much. I haven't decided yet if that's healthy.

A conversation we had in class yesterday sort of rubbed me the wrong way. Damon was at a conference last week that focused on marriage and how to encourage it. He brought back this handout to share with us about a study that was done on 18-30 year olds. It broke them into categories like "scared single", "young cavaliers", and "romantic" based on their feelings toward marriage (I think I'm a "true believer", by the way, someone who sees marriage as a cornerstone). We spent about an hour discussing this handout and, of course, marriage. One of the women in my class made a comment that made me think. She said that the longer you wait to get married, the harder it is because your selection pool gets smaller. Well, yeah. I mean, I had thought about that before but it hit me harder now that I'm single. As I looked around, I realized that Jodi, Bryan, and I are the only single people in our cohort. Everyone else is well on their way to getting married (so to speak). Marina is already married. Brooke is getting married in November. Several of the others are cohabiting. And the clock is just ticking for me. I know, I know...I'm only 22. But how old will I be when I meet someone I could see myself marrying? That could be several years from now and a couple more years before we do get married. Am I going to end up an old, crazy cat lady? I don't even have a cat... The good news is that, the older you are when you get married, the better chance it has to last. That's my little ray of sunshine, I guess. I'm not sure why I want to get married so badly. It hasn't always been like that but the older I get, the more important it is to me. Maybe it's because, everywhere I look, people I know are getting engaged/married. Sarah was telling me last night about all the women in our class who have gotten married since graduation. The list was pretty long. And here I am. Single. No prospects. Sigh.

I really feel like I need a change. I think my life is yearning for it. I've been thinking about cutting and dying my hair. I'm tired of seeing the same old thing in the mirror. Everything in my life has been turned upside down since I moved to Greenville and I'm just trying to keep up.

I'm getting excited about Halloween and I hope I have some trick-or-treaters. I wish I didn't have so many papers to do so I could properly celebrate ;).

1 comment:

Hillary Morgan said...

Melissa Melissa Melissa. Relieve yourself of these marital ambitions and enjoy what life has to offer 22-year-olds. Who cares that people have already gotten married from Meredith's most recent graduating class? Do you realize how many of them are probably going to get divorced? Do you not realize that this early marriage thing is a Southern tradition? Yes, you're from the South, but you're not the most traditional of Southerners, with which there's nothing wrong. In my opinion, you're looking for the next step. High school...college...graduation...grad school...where's my wedding??? Stop comparing yourself to others. They're living their lives and you're living yours. And if you keep up this "bride without a groom" attitude I'm going to come over there and knock the wedding bells right out of you.
You know I love you, of course, and I would only do such a thing because it's what I (the position of BFF) see as best.
Now, be single, enjoy your singleness, discover who you are, and wait for fate to take its course and drop the right man in your lap at the right time.
Being a psychologist works best on other people--stop trying to analyze your life and just live it.