Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Family Values

I'm watching The 40 Year Old Virgin and for some reason, that just hinders my ability to concentrate on assistantship work. Weird. Anyway, I think I'm done with work for the evening and am going to blog for a bit instead. I've been sort of a bum today. I took a nap, for one thing. That was common in undergrad but nowadays, I feel like such a slacker if I fall asleep! Sometimes, you just have to though, right? And I haven't read anything but I'm saving that for tomorrow, before my dreaded Research Methods class. I think it's cruel to have that class at 6pm on a Thursday night. Not to mention the fact that it will soon interfere with watching Grey's Anatomy. Tragic. On a lighter note, Steve Carell makes me laugh.

We shared our genograms in class today and that was an interesting experience. I was in a group with three ladies who were all older than me, none of whom are in the MFT program. I was a little hesitant at first to share my personal family history with them but it actually turned out really well. They were inquisitive, intrigued, and supportive. When I mentioned how much I've struggled thus far this semester (more so in the very beginning than now), they instantly became very maternal, which I appreciated. They insisted that I would make it through the program and wouldn't quit. Even though they don't know me well (better now than before I shared my genogram), it was good to hear that from them. I enjoyed talking about my family...even though the patterns I found while doing my genogram were disturbing. First of all, a LOT of people in my family have dealt with or are dealing with alcohol or substance abuse. Secondly, almost everyone has been divorced at least once. Yeah, that's right, AT LEAST once. It scares me a little. When I was younger, I was really afraid that I too was destined for divorce. However, Dr. Hill often says something in class that gives me hope...our history does not define our destiny. So I have some sort of say in what happens to me. I'm thinking that, if I don't do a thesis, I might take an elective in substance abuse. I think it would help me come to terms with my family and give me the skills to help families like my own in the future.

Speaking of a, what a dilemma. Do one or not do one? I have several reasons to go either way. Do one - I might decide to get my Ph.D. one day and it would be helpful to have a thesis under my belt and I could get published in a journal. Don't do one - it doesn't look likely that I'll get my Ph.D., I'm not that interested in research, I don't know that I could dedicate myself to something as time consuming as a thesis, and I don't want to kill myself next year with classes, an internship, a possible assistantship, and a thesis. See my problem? I'm trying to set up an appointment with the director of the MFT program in hopes that she can give me some guidance. It's scary though...I feel like I need to decide my future RIGHT NOW. Most everyone else in the program has already decided to do a thesis. What's more is that they know exactly what their topic would be. I don't even know what general subject matter I would want to concentrate on. Oh man.

Ben and I talked for a long while tonight. I really look forward to our phone conversations. I mean, what else do I have right now? I am counting down the days to fall break like you wouldn't believe. I overheard a conversation on the bus today between two people who had no idea when fall break was. In my mind, I'm thinking, "How do you now know when it is? It's been in my planner for over a month!" But I didn't speak up. Maybe they don't have Atlanta and their boyfriends to look forward to. Tonight, we were trying to decide how we were going to see each other this summer. Yeah, it's several months down the road but there's nothing wrong with thinking ahead. We didn't come to any conclusions though. He doesn't know if he'll be taking classes all summer and I don't know how much time I will be devoting to my assistantship this summer, how many breaks we'll have, etc. It would be SO great if he could move up here for, at least, half the summer. The problem would be what to do with Miss Alice. We'd figure out something though, I think.

The more classes I have, especially the one I had today, the more I realize how I want to approach my own family. Today, for instance, I decided that I'm building a tree house with my kids. I want to have dinner together every night. I want to go camping together. I want to have board game nights. I want to do all the things as a family that my family never did. It makes me anxious to start one now. Obviously though, that isn't an option at the moment. Which is okay.

As a final note, my legs are really sore from the gym. I hope this working out will pay off.


Anonymous said...

First of all can I just tell you how proud of you I am! Coming from Randleman High School and going into Grad School at ECU says alot! And I know you get overwhelmed with the work and dividing your time. But I know you can do it no matter what! I think you will make a great therapist. You have always been a good listener and gave great advice! Good luck! & keep your head up! I know you can do it!

Anonymous said...

I have yet to see that movie...need to watch that! I was a little upset at first that we wasn't sharing our genograms in our original groups because we had gotten close to each other. Though I had Brian in my group and I am getting to know Regina, I didn't know the other lady. I still wished we could have done them with our groups...but oh well. I think that is a great idea about the substance abuse elective if u decide to not do a thesis. These assignments and professors are helping us look at our family and life for that matter and that class may help you with your family.

I do hope Dr. Lamson gives you the insight you need about the decision to do your thesis. If you lean to not do one, don't feel like your the only one, because your not. I have made the final decision to not do one. No really I decided, lol. It is a case where you feel like you have to know right now what is supposed to and going to happen from this moment on. Whatever you decide to do, it will be meant to be. After you take her decision in, think about the whole situation that night or next day, weigh pros and cons, and you will get your answer.