Friday, September 19, 2008

No Class Fridays

What have I done today? Well, not much. Nothing academic...yet. I feel bad about that but I just don't feel motivated today. And I have so much I could be doing. It's as if, after Research Methods on Thursday night, I just don't want to do anything for the rest of the week. Speaking of Research Methods, I got some pretty disturbing news last night. My RM professor is teaching Stats next semester, which I have to take. When she said that, the mouths of everyone in class just fell open. I was REALLY hoping to be done with this woman in December. I can't believe I have her for another class next semester. Of all the great professors I have, I get to have her twice. Sigh. I just don't understand her train of thought and it's so frustrating. For instance, she starts one example and before she finishes that one, she's on to another, totally different example. I don't doubt that she knows this material, I just don't think she knows how to teach it. You can be a genius and not know how to teach, right? I don't think any of us are learning what we're supposed to be. I have a feeling that the textbook will be teaching this to me. And Stats? That's all about math! Math is not my topic! How is she going to teach me math? Oh man...I'm dreading it.

After I got out of class last night, I talked to my mom. She hit a deer last night. Or the deer hit her, as she described it. Her car is totaled. Bad news (or in this case, bad events) never have good timing, do they? What's more is that she doesn't have rental coverage on her insurance policy. I'm not sure what she's going to do. I hope she's able to get a car (or rental car) without too much money/trouble.

I've decided something about myself. I'm never going to be that polished girl. Nope...I'm always going to be a little disheveled. My hair, makeup, and clothes will never be perfect. That's just the way it is. I don't have it in me. It's something I need to come to terms with.

My mom asked me last night if I was happy. I told her no. I don't know if that was fair though. Am I as happy as I possibly could be? No. I would much rather be near Ben and my best friends. I would rather already have my Masters. But it isn't that easy, is it? So, my answer would have to be, I'm okay. I have to keep reminding myself that this is temporary. I'm scared though that I'm spending too much time rushing the days and not enough time trying to enjoy them. It's hard. I don't want to look back on this time and feel like I wasted it. Then again, let's be honest, if I get my Masters, it won't be a waste, regardless of how I spend the rest of my time.

Rasheeka, a friend of mine in the MFT program, has been making lots of great and supportive comments on my blog, which I appreciate. I feel like she and I are on the same wavelength. She mentioned how the ladies (and Bryan, of course) in the MFT program need to be there for each other during the tough times. I do hope that's the way it works out. Having a support system is really important and I feel like the one I've always had is far away...

On a brighter note, I'm going to stay with Sarah Beeler next weekend and will be seeing Sara Croninger's new show. I'm very excited and can't wait to see my ladies. :)

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