I just realized something while I was getting ready for bed... I'm probably the most isolated of all the MFT students. And by isolated, I mean devoid of human interaction...or really any live thing. Think about it. I live alone...I don't even have a pet. I know none of my neighbors. My boyfriend is in another state. My best friends are in another city. I have no family in Greenville. I'm beginning to wonder why I did this to myself. Well, I mean, the only thing I could really control was whether I had a roommate or pet...the rest was out of my hands if I wanted to go to grad school. The other night, I was reading about accredited MFT programs and there was a list of all the ones in the US. There were 3 in Georgia and, just out of curiosity, I Mapquested them to see how far they were from Atlanta. None were within and hour and a half of the city. Sigh. Of course, it's not like I could transfer or anything. And besides, regardless of my grievances with this program, I think it's the one for me if I really want to be an MFT. Which I do...right? I can't believe I was thinking about going to Syracuse. I could really see me now...depressed and cold.
I really need to crack down tomorrow because I hardly got anything done today. I constantly feel this pressure to do stuff. I can't just sit and watch television anymore without feeling guilty. But I guess this is the way it's going to be for the next couple years. Dr. O'Dekirk said that a person can deal with (most) anything for two years. I hope he's right. I don't mean to sound so down or so negative but these are things I'm experiencing for the first time. The transition has not been easy for me. And maybe it hasn't been easy for the others either...we just don't talk about it. I wish we did...I could use that. I feel like everyone else is just so SURE. What if I end up being that person who doesn't make it? Angela said they'd only lost a few students along the way... I don't want to be a failure.